Thank you I always wondered how to love onesself. I grew up believing and having it also shown that ONLY if I behaved the " right way" then I was good. If I messed up I was shown disgust in the way I was looked at and treated. I can recall also mom saying " why can't you be good like ________" well I wasn't one of my sister's I was me, who ever that was.i never felt loved at home, never felt good enough and still don't and I'm 64 yes young now. My home life was hell. Molested, beaten, slapped, you name it, was even told many yrs later by oldest sister while I was in a mental hospital, that growing up she herself molested me. To this day I have no recollection of it and her telling me only made my PTSD worse. .
I ended up marrying a narcissist b4 I even knew what one was or heard the word. On honeymoon he became emotionally abusive and after about 4 mos I left and been separated since. I left my home state and gave up everything to come to his state. So I felt trapped in the beginning. And yes I loved him and wanted my marriage. Being a Christian I don't believe in divorce, yet to date he still 8s abusive.
I'm scared , lonely ( not enough to take him back tho as I've done in the past) I have no family here. I'm making friends which I couldn't have when with him. He controlled everything in my life.
I know no contact is good, yet I hurt cause of how I've been treated by someone who claimed to love me.
So how do I start loving myself when I feel torn up inside???
Also in childhood I was degraded just as husband also sis and still does via phone or run into each other. I never learned what love was let alone how to love me
Thank you I always wondered how to love onesself. I grew up believing and having it also shown that ONLY if I behaved the " right way" then I was good. If I messed up I was shown disgust in the way I was looked at and treated. I can recall also mom saying " why can't you be good like ________" well I wasn't one of my sister's I was me, who ever that was.i never felt loved at home, never felt good enough and still don't and I'm 64 yes young now. My home life was hell. Molested, beaten, slapped, you name it, was even told many yrs later by oldest sister while I was in a mental hospital, that growing up she herself molested me. To this day I have no recollection of it and her telling me only made my PTSD worse. .
I ended up marrying a narcissist b4 I even knew what one was or heard the word. On honeymoon he became emotionally abusive and after about 4 mos I left and been separated since. I left my home state and gave up everything to come to his state. So I felt trapped in the beginning. And yes I loved him and wanted my marriage. Being a Christian I don't believe in divorce, yet to date he still 8s abusive.
I'm scared , lonely ( not enough to take him back tho as I've done in the past) I have no family here. I'm making friends which I couldn't have when with him. He controlled everything in my life.
I know no contact is good, yet I hurt cause of how I've been treated by someone who claimed to love me.
So how do I start loving myself when I feel torn up inside???
Also in childhood I was degraded just as husband also sis and still does via phone or run into each other. I never learned what love was let alone how to love me
My email is in case I can't get back to this site
suezaccone9@gmail.com
Plz help I need advice