Know Your Type: Attachment Style & Relationship with Diana Chu

Per popular request, in this episode, I interview therapist Diana Chu on what attachment style is, how it impacts our relationships, and specific strategies we can employ to move us towards becoming more securely attached.

“A lot of times people who are anxiously attached are attracted to people who are avoidant of attachment. Those two attachment types are like magnets to each other. The trick is not to get hooked on the highs and lows and mistake an activated attachment system for passion or love.” — Amir Levine & Rachel Heller

Diana also talks in-depth about how therapists assist clients in this process, using “saying no” and boundary setting as examples.

[min 3:00] The origin of attachment theory — The “Strange Situation” tests the four types of attachment style Anxious (Preoccupied), Disorganized (Fearful-Avoidant), Avoidant (Dismissive), and Secure.

[min 6:45] Attachment styles and how it impacts how we communicate in dating and relationships

[min 10:00] How attachment style came from childhood template

[min 11:15] How to move from Insecure to Secure Attachment style?

[min 13:00] How therapists model Secure Attachment style for their clients

[min 15:30] How drama therapy can help us learn how to handle difficult conversations (i.e., saying no)

[min 17:45] Setting boundaries in dating relationships when Insecurely Attached

[min 20:00] What happens when we grew up with parents that didn’t allow us to set boundaries?

[min 21:15] What happens if people disregard your boundaries?

[min 22:15] Why it’s essential to ask the hard questions in dating early?

[min 24:30] Why reciprocity is vital in boundary-setting

[]Why effective communication frees you from anxiety in relationships

[min 27:00] Can you “act-as-if” yourself into being Securely Attached?

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